Love Not Corresponded

Forget about changing for someone else. Forget about bargaining for what you should have without bribing whatever deity you believe in. Forget about changing your whole life just so someone who doesn’t appreciate you and your worth will love you. FORGET IT.

Every relationship is a learning experience. We learn what parts of us could use improvement. But not because this person found them unattractive or irritating but because YOU found them unattractive or irritating.
What did you do in this relationship or around this person (if you weren’t in a relationship) that could improve? Think about it. Journal about it. Think about ways to change it. But DON’T change things in yourself just because this person didn’t like it. Maybe this person has no taste or doesn’t know a thing. Don’t think of changing for another person. Only change for you. It’s OKAY to accept someone’s constructive criticism if it’s spot on and will help you in the end, but if not, just REJECT IT. 
When you are leaving a relationship where someone doesn’t love you anymore or failing to move further in a relationship because someone won’t or can’t love you or not getting into a relationship because someone isn’t attracted to you, there is a HIT to the self-esteem. It’s a rejection no matter how you slice it. And it’s a rejection that stings.
The first thing you need to do is to take it in stride. Easier said that done? Yes. Everything is easier said than done so that phrase is meaningless.
Taking it in stride means telling yourself that you are okay no matter what. Yes, there might be things that need improvement but it is a lovable, worthwhile person who is willing to look at those things and change them. And if this person does not value all that you are and all that you can be there is only one sentiment to go in that direction: THE HELL WITH THEM.
Seriously.
It is time to REJECT THE REJECTER. And his or her ridiculous standards of measurement. Perhaps this person doesn’t know what he or she is losing. Perhaps this person has NO IDEA how worthwhile you are and what value you can add to their life.
That is their problem, not yours. You don’t want anyone who doesn’t think you are the end-all, be-all of lovers. You just don’t want them. They are stuck in some goopy substance that does not allow them to move off their position and see how great you are. That is their problem and their loss.
You have to see that the rejecter should be rejected. Do you want someone without vision? Without appreciation of all that you are and all that you can be? No, you do not. You want someone who loves you and thinks you are the best thing that ever happened to them. If this person doesn’t get that, then the hell with this person.
Stop talking to him or her. Stop trying to convince them otherwise. Stop waitng around for him or her to “get it.” 
Or another possibility is that this person does recognize your value and how great you are but they are not in a place where they can be in a relationship. Maybe they’re not over their previous relationship. Maybe their life choices (home, job, school) are up in the air. Maybe it’s not about you in any way. It still hurts but this is something you can’t change. Even if you think that if the shoe was on the other foot YOU wouldn’t let such a catch get away, it doesn’t work that way for everyone. Some people simply can’t get there from here. Let them be. It’s not the right time and there is nothing you can do about it. Gently let it go. It’s hard and it hurts but gently let it go.
The bottom line is that you do not want someone who does not want you. That hurts and that stings. And that is not what love is all about. Don’t sit around waiting for this person to want you. Reject anyone who doesn’t want you. They are not worth it. The first prerequisite for love is to be mutual. Otherwise it’s not okay. Reject the rejecter. 
Stephen Levine once said, “The road is hard. Love softens it.”
Requited love, mutual love, real love softens it.
And until that love comes from a romantic partner who values you and sees how wonderful you are, get that love from family, friends and YOURSELF. You MUST be good to yourself as you move on from someone who does not value you enough to want an exclusive, romantic relationship with you. Get on with your life and become the person you always wanted to be.
GET READY for true love, real love, lasting love. Get ready for a relationship with yourself and THEN a relationship with a loving and appreciative person who WILL come into your life once you learn to value YOU. And you start valuing you by rejecting the rejection and the rejecter. 
Be good to yourself. Today and always. In a relationship or out of a relationship. Be good to you.
Getting Past Your Breakup and Getting Back Out There stresses the importance of affirmations and positive self-talk. If you are not doing that, you need to start NOW. Do your affirmations, check the negative self-talk at the door and get on with life.
In a partner we want someone to share life’s sorrows and joys. We want someone who is there day in and day out. If this person can’t handle us without a big problem in our lives, why would we think they could handle it? They can’t.
Let them go and hold on and hold out for someone who loves you for you. There IS that person out there. Mr. or Ms. Right will never question your value. Will never not love you unconditionally. If this person has rejected you in some way, he or she is NOT the one for you.
You might think this person is perfect in every way. No this person is not. Because this person doesn’t WANT you and the person who is perfect will want you. Not wanting you and not appreciating you and the value you bring to someone’s life is NOT a little thing. It’s a big thing. And if this person doesn’t love you and doesn’t want you and doesn’t appreciate you, then they are not perfect and their flaw is a fatal flaw and you need to reject the rejecter. You must.
Stop re-injuring yourself with questions about what is wrong with you or how to get them back or get them jealous or get them whatever. Stop focusing on them and focus on YOU. Reject this rejecter and every rejecter that came before. Do your affirmations. Know that you are worth it. 
Even if you love this person, this person does not love you….and the person for you will love you. Deeply and Completely.
It exists.
It happens.
It is possible.
In the meantime you MUST MUST MUST be good to you and know your value and understand your value and get your value from inside you and not outside. Be good to you.
Move on from rejection. Feel your feelings. Reject the rejecter. Celebrate the you that is you. And know that the right person for you is out there. Reject the Rejecter and embrace all that is you…the good is waiting for you. Believe it.

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Helping Others

“No one has ever become poor by giving.”― Anne Frank, diary of Anne Frank

Helping others: it’s a fundamental part of humanity, bonding together and helping a fellow man or woman. In times of tragedy, the stories of those who help others are inspiring, such as helping the nation recover from national disasters and terrorist attacks. Some men and women even devote their lives to helping others, from the police force that protects our cities, to the fire departments who run into burning buildings, to the service men and women who risk their lives for the common good.

All too often, the idea of Karma is described in a negative way. If you do bad, bad will come find you. But it works the other way too. When you are a good person and help people, good things seem to happen. And while you may not believe in an inter-connected universe that rewards good deeds, there is something to be said about how helping others changes your perspective. When you’re helping others, you will often feel better about yourself, increasing the likelihood that your next experience will be a positive one, rather than a negative one.

If you have more time than money, you can really make a difference in a charity or political cause that’s important to you by donating your time. This a a great route for many people as it leads to the satisfaction of making a difference, provides an outlet to meet others who share your passion, and often allows you the opportunity to see the difference you make and the people you help.

  

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Chasing Self-esteeme 

“It has almost become a truism in our culture that we need to have high self-esteem in order to be happy and healthy. But as research is now starting to demonstrate, the need to continually evaluate ourselves positively comes at a high price. The main problem is that having high self-esteem requires feeling special and above average. To be called average is considered an insult in our culture. This need to feel superior results in a process of social comparison in which we continually try to puff ourselves up and put others down.” — Dr. Kristin Neff

 

 The problem is once our self-esteem slips, as it inevitably will, we start to internalize the negative feelings and we are primed to feel anxious, depressed and unworthy.

What’s the antidote?
Develop self-compassion.
Self-compassion means to see ourselves realistically, and just as fallible as the next guy or gal. The feel-good emotions of self-compassion are highly stable because they are based on our intrinsic self-worth.
Research has shown that self-compassion offers the same benefits as high self-esteem, such as reduced anxiety and depression and elevated happiness. However, it is not associated with the negative effects of self-esteem such as social comparison, defensiveness, or narcissism.
Do you ever troll Instagram and think, “Wow, if only my life was like so-and-so, then I’d really be happy”?

We are bombarded with reminders that our better self is waiting in the wings. The thing is, we’re viewing edited reality. 

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Start Over

Close your eyes, breath, and start over.

Life is a pain in the ass. Things do run smoothly from time to time, but there’s always, and I mean always, a rough patch looming somewhere around the bend.

Whether you’re dealing with work-related issues, family problems, or stressful situations, very few problems last for a lifetime. So remind yourself, that things won’t be this bad forever.

One of the most most important things to remember is that you have some control of the situation. Even if you aren’t in complete control of the situation, one thing you can always control is your attitude and reaction. Focus on managing what is within your control.

Asking for help can be hard sometimes. However, it’s one of the best ways to deal with tough situations. Tell people what you need specifically if they offer to help. Don’t be afraid to call on friends and family and ask them for help, whether you need financial assistance, emotional support, or practical help.

A lack of confidence in handling tough times can add to stress. One of the best things to remember is that you can handle tough situations. Even though you might feel angry, hurt, disappointed, or sad, it won’t kill you. You can get through it.

No matter how bad a situation is, it’s almost certain that something good will come out of it. At the very least, it’s likely that you will learn a life lesson. Perhaps you learn not to repeat the same mistake in the future or maybe you move on from a bad situation and find something better. Look for the one good thing that can result when bad things happen.

And remember, close your eyes, breath, and start over.

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The Ways We Pray

When i was a child i always thought that praying was talking to God imagining God as a person. As i grew up, i found out that praying is talking to God without imagining anything because God is everywhere, he is the sky, the trees, the flowers, the water, the air. It is easier that way. I pray as i breath and perhaps some people might think i am crazy because i often talk Alone, To my self, to God. Continue reading

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Loving the Unloving

Our reward will be great, Jesus said, not when we love people who love us back, but when we love “the ungrateful and the evil” as God does.

If you are married to the godliest, kindest, most giving and thoughtful spouse who ever lived, that will be your reward. There will be no extra credit in the heavenlies for having enjoyed an easier marriage than most. So you’ll have some very pleasant decades, while someone else may be storing up for eternity.

If, for instance, your spouse takes you for granted, you may never be appreciated on this earth, but the day will come—Jesus promises it!—when you see your heavenly Father-in-Law face-to-face and He says to you, “You loved My son (or daughter) so well, even though I know he never understood how blessed he was to be married to you. Now, let Me show you how I spend all of eternity rewarding those who love in My name. Receive your rewards, enter into your rest!”

You see how believing in that day changes how we define what is a good day in the here and now? We’ll look for opportunities to love, serve, notice, encourage, and appreciate, instead of being obsessed with how well our spouses are loving, serving, noticing, encouraging, and appreciating us. This is encouraging for those of you who are taken for granted. Let’s be honest: some of you married fools. I don’t mean to be flippant, but the Bible says there are fools, right? It seems to me, somebody must marry them. Maybe you picked one. From an earthly perspective, that’s a wasted life. From an eternal perspective, you have the opportunity to set yourself up for a particularly thrilling and fulfilling conversation at the judgment seat of Christ.

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